Every year millions of people begin the New Year with a list of things they would like to accomplish. Lose a little weight. Go rock climbing. Write a book. We all know what it’s like to have a firm grip on your post-Christmas feasting resolution. And we all know what it’s like to lose interest or motivation by the time February or March rolls around.
On the doorstep between 2012 and 2013 (hey, we all survived the apocalypse!), on behalf of people everywhere, I’m going to take a moment to look at some rather outrageous resolutions we as a species stubbornly dream of (and some of them are just my dreams). Because I know I’ll likely never complete them, this year I’m making the list a little longer and a little more ridiculous. So sit back with some chocolate (and we all know how much I believe in the healing power of chocolate) and enjoy the post.
1. Read the entire Song of Fire and Ice series by George R.R. Martin.
I was pleased to receive the first four books in the popular fantasy series for Christmas, and a little dismayed at the size of them. I’m a quick reader, but I like reading things quickly so I can move onto the next one. You can’t read these damn things quickly. You just can’t. I began Game of Thrones on Christmas Day, and only finished it yesterday. And once the holidays are over my reading speed will melt into something of a turtle pace. It very well might take all year to finish reading them. And Martin’s not even done writing the bloody things, is he?
Let’s look at the bright side, shall we? 1000 pages down, 4000 more to go!
2. Write a book, sell the rights, and watch it become another disturbing cinematic teen fettish.
Is there really anymore to say here? You all know it’s true. As likely as me suddenly having a stunning singing voice, perhaps, but true.
3. Become the godmother of Will and Kate’s baby.
I have no actual plan here. It’s just something I would like to happen.
4. Meet Prince Charming, fall in love, get married, and move to a historic castle in the Scottish highlands where I can write novels until I run out of ideas.
I even have the castle picked out. It comes complete with an antique library, stables, and secret passageways to other realms. There’s a particular wardrobe I would like to try, one full of old fur coats. It looks promising, in my opinion.
5. Install floor-to-ceiling bookshelves throughout the house and fill them with books.
Fantasy, historical, science fiction, poetry, classics, plays, biographies, original historic texts, signed special editions, the tea bags that JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter on… Ahh, wouldn’t it be beautiful? With antique side tables stacked with my favourites, and centuries-old paintings of poets and historical figures on the walls, and overstuffed armchairs by the hearth, and a butler to bring me tea with honey while I’m in the midst of battling dragons and crying over the deaths of my friends. Yes, yes, I can see it now. So beautiful!
6. Enter a jalapeno-eating contest.
No, nevermind. I didn’t quite think that through. Becoming a fire-breathing dragon was never in my plans, only meeting one.
7. Finally discover if the fridge light is off when the door is closed.
Or maybe how they get the little people inside the TV. Either one. 😉
8. I’m gonna lose 15 pounds!
What do you mean I have to give up chocolate? I thought your commercial said I didn’t have to change my diet. No, no thank you. I’ll stick with my chocolate. At least it loves me for who I am and not what I look like — unlike some people, Weight-Loss-Company-Who-Lied-About-Not-Having-To-Change-My-Diet, I’m looking at you.
On second thought, I’d rather live to see 2014, thank you very much. There’s nothing wrong with sitting in planes to get to the UK rather than jumping out of them.
10. Blog more.
Yes, yes, that’s why it’s on my “rather outrageous list”, not my actual one.
Do you have any outrageous (or not) resolutions for 2013? All the best this New Year to you and yours! 🙂